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This is a HUGE week for my wife, Monica, and me. This is our final week of IVF. If all goes well we will be pregnant in two weeks. I want kids, so what I'm about to say may seem contradictory to that statement. I'm scared to death to have kids. To quote the movie "Batman Begins" "We always fear what we don't know." I don't know kids. I know babies even less. I want kids, but the following are some things that I'm scared about...
- Changing diapers. I talk about poop. Talking about poop is funny. Cleaning it up on the other hand is gag nasty. I'm scared to clean the poop.
- Not having alone time. I'm a people person, but I need a little bit of alone time. I recharge with alone time. Kids don't allow you to have alone time.
- Being tired. I don't do well without sleep. I get cranky. I get really cranky and then I get sick.
- Jacking my kid up. Every kid has a wound created by their parents, but I'm scared to create one in my kid.
- Kids music and TV. I tried to watch Yo Gabba Gabba and I wanted to punch myself in the throat. I don't know how parents put up with things like Barney, Hannah, and the Wiggles. I'd rather pretend that TV wasn't invented then watch those shows.
- I can't say no to my wife because I love her. I'm scared that I will spoil my kids, and that I won't be able to discipline them because I want them to love me back. I know it's wrong, but I'm scared I won't be strong.
- Having girls. I don't know how to deal with girls. I was a little boy once so I feel confident that I will be able to relate to a boy. Sports, action figures, and super heroes are all things I can relate to. Dress up, dolls, and tea parties scare me to death.
- Having multiple kids at once. I would like to have multiple kids, but I'm scared to have them all at once. If we do have multiples I would like to have my own reality TV show called "What the Flock!" My last name is Shepherd so having a flock of kids would fit the title of the show right?
- Multiple girls at once. Monica keeps talking about having girl triplets. No offense girls, but girls are drama. I don't know what I'd do with three baby girls. When Monica asked me what we would name the third, because we only have two girl names picked out, I responded with we don't have to come up with a third name because we can just let the adoptive parents name the third one. It was a joke...but not really. I'm scared of girl triplets.
- Having an ugly baby. Despite what people say about all babies being cute...it's a lie.
- Being spit up on. I'm scared of the spit up.
- I'm scared because I've never been a dad before. What I'm not scared about is having kids with Monica. I know her and she's amazing. Because of that I can't wait to be a dad!
Kind of a "Best of Carson" here (a reference that I am sure that you are too young to appreciate), however, it was fun looking back to when you weren't even sure you were gonna be a dad. I get a sense that your feelings back then are the same as your feelings now. That is good. Worry, excitement. Excitement, worry. With kids, these feelings will always be there. Always. Oh, and for the record, my daughter never asked me to have a tea party with her.
ReplyDeleteRob you are going to be a wonderful Dad. You have set out on an amazing journey. It will be good, bad, ugly and unfortunately poopy, but always amazing.
ReplyDeleteit is a scary deal...the good news is you probably wont break them, but you will screw up...and hopefully one day they dont feel completely scarred and write a tell all book...
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for you to be my babies' daddy!! We are going to have the most fun!
ReplyDeleteYou're so open and honest, you'll both be fabulous parents!
ReplyDeleteParenthood isn't for sissies, and you are not one of those. Everyone is scared at first. You will make mistakes, and you will screw up sometimes - it is inevitable. You will learn to endure the poopy diapers and spit up. I promise you, it will not be as hard as you imagine it to be. Actually, it will be gross, but you can survive it. God is going to give you just what you can handle, and nothing more. One of these days, when you are having a tea party with your beautiful little girl, you will know it is all worth it. Your son will want to be just like you. You are a fine man, Rob, you will be okay. You have what it takes. Besides, Monica will be there to help you, so what have you got to worry about? You will do this together with God's help. He gave you these precious little folks, He gave you Monica, He will help you do a good job raising the children. Besides, with all the people around you that care about you and your family, you will get plenty of advice on how to do everything. Even when you don't want or need it.
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