If you follow robshep.com, are friends with me on Facebook, or follow my tweets on Twitter, then you know that my wife and I are one day away from finding out if we are pregnant through IVF. We have felt an overwhelming amount of love and support from our friends about this decision. I have felt incredibly blessed and humbled by all the people who are praying for us. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that God has blessed us through this decision. We are blessed through the love of our friends/family, and I believe that God has blessed our marriage through this decision. No matter what happens we will thank God for His amazing blessings on our life.
With that being said there has been at least one person who has passionately opposed our decision. I knew that there was controversy out there, but truthfully I didn't know what all the fuss was about. What I found online mostly talked about the issues with same sex couples or single moms using IVF. I also found some articles on mix ups with IVF which led to couples having someone elses baby. I'm hoping for an African American baby. Besides that the only thing I could find came from the Catholic Church.
"The Roman Catholic Church opposes all kinds of in vitro fertilisation because, as with contraception, it separates the procreative purpose of the marriage act from its unitive purpose:" There's got to be more to the controversy than that right? I prayed about our decision and I came to the conclusion that God has given us the resources to help us. To me it's like when I get a headache. When my head hurts I pray that God will take it away and I also take Tylenol. God has given us medicine to use to help us and I don't think it lessens God by using it. Without the help of doctors Monica can't get pregnant or sustain a pregnancy. Without God's help we still won't be pregnant.
I get grossed out by the medical words they use, so I apologize for being general...When they mix Monica's junk with my stuff it doesn't automatically mean we are pregnant. They insert two embryos into her with the hope that one will take. It is no guarantee. Without God this is still impossible. I'm still doing some research to try to figure out why there is a controversy. The person who opposed our decision falls in line with the beliefs of the Catholic Church. To me that's the church being ridiculous. It's like churches who ban rock n roll and dancing. It comes from someones personal conviction where they want to force it on everyone else. I'm not trying to start a fight by this post. It was on my mind so I wrote down my thoughts. If anyone knows a Biblical argument against IVF I'd love to hear it. Just make it respectful.
I'm glad you posted this today. You and Monica have been in my prayers and on my mind a lot lately! This morning it popped into my mind that within a day or two you would find out if your IVF worked. I'm praying for you guys! You're such an awesome example of what God wants us to be and have in a marriage. I think you would be awesome parents know you would raise a child/children to know and love God and I think that's awesome! You are a great example for us, no matter what happens!
ReplyDeletePraying for you guys big time today!
It's called common grace...it's all around us...even the air we breathe...I can't wait to hear the news! (We want an African American baby too, but since we both white folk, we'll have to try adoption)
ReplyDeleteRob, I think if you can afford it then it is a wonderful step in your marriage and even with all the medical intervention, it will only happen if its God plan. The only reason I see why people might be mad is because there are children who need to be adopted. While that might be an excellent choice for a second child, most people want their first child to be a newborn and I guess thats what makes adoption hard since many of the children who need homes are older. Yeah my explanation has nothing to do with the Bible...sorry!
ReplyDeletepraying for you both rob...and excited to see what tomorrow might bring...
ReplyDeleteThere was a time that I sought out counselling for depression. What added to my inner turmoil was that I felt like maybe this meant that I wasn't fully relying on God. One day when I was praying with tears in my eyes, he told me to be still. Part of his plan was to lead me to a counsellor that could help me. I think that this parallels your situation. If you have spent time in prayer and feel your decisions are in line with God's leading, then you have no reason to second guess. If having a baby is not part of God's plan for you and M, I am sure that he is more than capable of telling you, someway, somehow. To heck with what others try to tell you or convince you of otherwise. With God's blessing, the rest of our opinions and arguments are worth a hill of jack squat.
ReplyDeleteAfter God created man, his command was, "Be fruitful and multiply." If a person feels it is wrong for him to do something, even though it isn't against God's law, he shouldn't do it, but as Paul points out that doesn't mean it is wrong for others. We just need to be respectful of those weaker in the faith.
ReplyDeleteRob,
ReplyDeleteYou know how excited John and I are for you two! And noooo judgment here...I totally understand your decision, and feel like you guys are on the road to so many blessings coming up! I've been DYING for August 20th to come around!!!
Praise God that we have the technology to use for issues like yours. I had my knees replaced. Does that mean that I didn't trust God to heal me or that I didn't have faith? No, it means that my body was fighting against me and I needed help from a doctor who could do something about the pain. You did the same thing. Why shouldn't we take advantage of modern medicine? What about people with cancer? Should they not get treatment? Or, the person who cannot see. Should they not get laser eye surgery? Acceptable is whatever you and your Lord decide is acceptable. Phooey on the naysayers.
ReplyDeleteI think I can see the argument too about adoption versus IVF but in the end it has to be what's best for you & Monica. While there are lots of children who need to be adopted, sometimes there are a lot of emotional, social,etc. issues that come along with them. I'm not saying these children shouldn't be adopted, I believe they should but by people who are ready and able to deal with those issues. In my profession I have seen successful adoptions and some that were very very difficult. Anyway, that is a WHOLE other topic lol. I think the important thing is you have prayed and you & Monica trust in what God has planned for you. We are all individuals and God has a plan for each of us, I think it is unfair for someone else besides God to say what is right for YOU. Sorry, didn't mean this to be so long :) Praying for good news tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you guys! I know its been a long time coming. BTW the "I'm hoping for an African American baby" made me laugh so hard.
ReplyDeleteRob I can't imagine the decisions that you two have been faced with. We all know that you have prayerfully (is that a word?) weighed each one with care and great concern. Now it is time to stand back and let us all support you while you watch God's work unfold. Let the people who disagree give their opinion to someone else. You both need nothing but positive energy surrounding you! Best wishes tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteI'm once again blown away by all the support! Thanks everyone
ReplyDeleteI wish you and Monica all the best. You will make great parents! I completely agree with what you said. Without God, it's still not possible. Not to make light of it but it is like that joke where the man is caught in a flood and he goes to the top of his roof and prays for God to rescue him. A boater comes by, a helicopter comes by, etc....to rescue him and he turns them down and says that God is going to take care of him and save him. He then dies and he asks God why he didn't rescue him and God told him that he did everything he could. He sent a boater to rescue him, he sent a helicopter to rescue him but this man turned them all away. God has allowed science and medicine to advance and I don't believe that it is wrong for us to take advantage of that. I pray that you will get the outcome that you desire!
ReplyDelete"most people want their first child to be a newborn and I guess thats what makes adoption hard since many of the children who need homes are older."
ReplyDeletethat is almost 100% untrue...i am adopted and my brother was adopted and both of us were unborn when we were placed in our family. I went home with my parents at 3 days old because of Jaundice wich is pretty new born to me
Hey Rob….let me start by congratulating Monica & you. Pregnancy & parenthood are an amazing experience & I’m so excited for the both of you. I will continue to pray for you guys as you anticipate the arrival of your baby(ies!!). I’ve never posted a response to someone’s blog before, so I apologize for the lengthiness. Having gone through IVF myself & having a beautiful set of twins, I felt very passionate about your post. In fact it has kept me up on several occasions which with newborns any chunk of sleep is precious. As my husband and I researched, prayed and discussed the option to go forward with IUIs and eventually IVF we really struggled with whether we felt this was something God wanted us to do. Yes, there is the argument of why go through IVF when adoption is an option. For us, with our diagnosis, the ability for us to have our own biological children was a short window. Although only in my late 20s I was told a year from now I may not have any eggs to fertilize. We still looked into adoption but decided to continue down this path & see if God opened any doors before going the adoption route. So, that left us with many questions & a decision that was much harder than just popping open a bottle of Tylenol to relieve a headache. I don’t know what issues the person that strongly opposed your decision had, but I can shed light on some of the tough questions that someone faced with the decision to go through IVF has. Although I do not have any scripture for you, I do know that our bodies are a holy temple to Christ and that we are responsible for them I also know that we are God’s vessels and through us his glory is revealed. Faced with fertility treatments such as IUIs and IVF, I think there is a lot to fuss about & you have to ask yourself a lot of hard questions like: Is it right to create life outside the womb? With IUIs you don’t necessarily know how many eggs are going to be released & I know more so in the past, you could have multiple fertilized eggs in which they’d selectively abort some in order for the others to survive (don’t really have that much anymore). With IVF: How many eggs are we going to fertilize – if all of them, we may not use them all & then you’re faced with the option to 1) have them destroyed (are you destroying life), 2) donate them to science & research to help future couples conceive, 3) donate them to another couple (so you have a biological kid somewhere out there that you’ll never know about) or 4) give all of the fertilized eggs a chance which means yes, you may have your own flock of kids. We struggled with these questions & others. Ultimately through prayer & many discussions, we decided what we felt God leading us to do. Although we started at The Jones Inst we ended up at The New Hope Center in VA Beach & met with Dr. Robin who solidified our decision when she even said that all they can do is what they medically know how to do, but that God has the final say in whether or not we become parents. This was truly the hardest decision & experience for my husband & I to go through & was in no way taken lightly. We made a fuss about it. My husband & I weren’t as open as you Rob with our experience. But even though only our friends and family know of our journey it has already led to many opportunities to share with others struggling with infertility. It is a ministry I never expected. I strongly believe that God allows us to go through struggles in life so that we may then be a shoulder for others to lean on. What a great opportunity God has given Monica and you. And you have the courage to share it with the world. Enjoy all the steps along the way & you will continue to see God’s hand in your marriage & your family as it grows. Again – Congrats!
ReplyDeleteThanks Anonymous. I'd love to know who you are.
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