The Greatest Graduation Speaker Ever

Somebody that must like me put an article about Liberty University's recent graduation. Now the speaker this year was none other than Chuck Norris. Cursid 7 years! If I was 7 years younger then I would have been there. 7 years ago I graduated from Liberty and I wish that Chuck Norris was the speaker. If you don't know about Chuck Norris then you either don't have a teenager in your life or you and I are not friends (if you do have a teenager and we are friends and you still don't know about Chuck Norris then please make it a priority to keep reading because you need to know). About two years ago I spent about a month talking about nothing but Chuck Norris. He is the greatest and just in case you don't know here are some facts about Chuck! These are not disputed and they are facts!

• Chuck Norris can speak braille
• If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
• There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
• Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
• Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
• Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
• Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.