Why I don't like pets

So I am tired today. I am about to take a little nap, but I wanted to make sure that I got a blog in. It is my goal to blog at least once every day. Today's blog is totally random...
Why I don't like Pets
1. I don't like to be sniffed in the crotch. I don't know why animals do this but it is awkward and scary. I know that you trust your animal, but I don't. For all I know they could be hungry and that might be the reason they are sniffing up on me. Nuff said.
2. I don't like to be licked. I know that is a way that animals show they love you, but that is the same tongue they used to lick their butt or other body parts. I don't know how people can feel loved by being licked.
3. I like my stuff. We have a lot of friends who tell stories about how their stuff was devoured by their pet. Stuff like I-pods, cash money, furniture, and clothes. I pay too much money for the stuff we have to have an animal eat it.
4. I don't like to be jumped up on. I am not a overtly touchy feely person to begin with. I like an occasional hug, and I enjoy high fives, but animals especially dogs jump on me. It is one thing to jump on someone if you know them, but animals don't wait to be introduced. They just jump on you and act like that is OK.
5. I'm too busy to pick up poo. This is huge for me. If animals didn't poo I wouldn't mind them as much. I don't want to pick poo up in my house or outside. In fact I giggle every time I see someone walking their dog and they are carrying a poo bag. Funny stuff!
6. Animals die. I once had a fish named Hulk Hogan. One day he floated to the top of my bubble gum fish tank (it looked like a bubble gum machine...it was awesome!). I cried that night pretty hard. Hulk Hogan was my hammerhead gold fish and I loved him with all my might for the 4 1/2 weeks he lived. I'm not good with goodbyes, so I don't like it when pets die.
7. Pets stink. I don't like smelling like an animal and I don't like my house smelling like one. I have a hard enough time making myself smell good. I don't need something else to stink it up.
8. I like to go out of town. Monica and I travel and when you have a pet you have to have someone else take care of them. This is an extra burden for the pet owner and the friend who has to take care of the pet.
9. I would rather spend my money on food for me then food for a pet. Call me selfish, but I enjoy my food. Pet food is expensive...speaking of expensive.
10. Pets cost too much. I don't want to pay a bazillion dollars to buy a pet and then a bunch more on food. That doesn't include vet visits, grooming, and discipline training school. If I did have a pet I would send them to a world class training place so they could do cool tricks like go to the bathroom on a toilet and flush it themselves.

So that is my list. Please don't hate me. I know that you probably like animals and I am happy for you. Please don't tell me I hate animals because I don't. You don't have to put your pet away when I come over. I won't intentionally abuse your animal, kick it while you are not looking, or harm it on purpose. I just felt like sharing.