I Want To Have An Affair

I want to have an affair. Those are words that you don't hear that often. In fact I would say that no one gets married and thinks, one day I am going to ruin my marriage by having an affair. I read a stat that said 50% of women and 60% of men will have an affair. I can't tell you how many times I've been saddened by the news of a pastor admitting to an affair.  No one plans on it and maybe that's the problem. By the way I don't want to have an affair.

I love my wife. I love my wife with all of my heart and I have no desire to cheat on her. I have no desire, but I believe that we are all one step away from ruining our lives. It's starts with little compromises. Sure God can and will forgive, but the consequences of an affair are pulverizing.

I once heard Tommy Nelson talk about the E's of An Affair.  Nobody wants to ruin their marriage with an affair, but this is the process of how it happens...

• Elimination of that thing you got married for. This happens when men retire the romance jersey and women forget to call Victoria and ask for her secret.
• Encounter. This is where you meet another person who treats you nice. They meet a need that you have not had met.  Maybe it's that they respect you, laugh at your jokes, flirt with you, or don't zone out when you speak. 
• Enjoyment. You enjoy being around this person because they are bringing excitement to your life and meeting a need that your spouse used to meet. This is when guys find an excuse to hang out at the secretaries desk. This is when girls send private messages on Facebook. This is where it starts going bad quickly.
• Expedite. This is where a person goes farther then they should go. This is a lasting touch on the arm. This is a fantasy. This is trouble!
• Expression. This is where the person lets the other person know how they feel. It will be hidden, but it feels right because a need was met.
• Experience. This is where the affair happens. This is where they rent a shady motel.

Did you catch that the affair doesn't actually happen until the sixth E? It's a slippery slope. A person goes through multiple steps before they have an affair. By the time the affair happens they have convinced themselves that it's ok. So what can we do? Thankfully Tommy Nelson gave some application to his E's. 

• Don't think that you can't. If it can happen to Biblical heroes, pastors, and actors in Hollywood it can happen to you.
• Guard your heart. The Bible says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." - Proverbs 4:23. If you don't guard your heart someone can creep in and steal it. This means that when your needs aren't being met you communicate it in a loving way. This means that you strive to meet your spouse's needs. This means that you are in tune with your heart. 
• Stoke the fire of your marriage. I'm no boyscout, but I have been around enough camp fires to know the flame doesn't last forever. If you don't continue to add to the flame it ends up going out. When a couple first meets there is a HUGE flame, but then they don't take care of it and it starts to go out. This is hard, but husbands don't retire the romance jersey. And I know it's not as comfortable as the sweatpants and ratty t-shirt, but wives you've got to call Victoria and ask her what her Secret is. If you can't afford Victoria's Secret then cut a couple of strategic holes in that t-shirt and voila. The point is to not let the fire go out. 
• Surround yourself with friends of accountability.  Most people hide behind their picket fences and the safety of their homes. We may be social but nobody really knows what we struggle with. We need people in our lives who will notice when something is up. We need to be so invested in others that even if we don't say something they will.