I Hurt For You

I'm hurting. I'm hurting for a good friend who lost her dad.

I don't think I'll forget where I was when I heard the news. I was in a meeting and my cell phone started blowing up with messages. First was our admin assistant. I snuck my cell phone under the table hoping that others wouldn't see me check my phone. My first thought was that I must have forgotten about another meeting. I started to panic. Thoughts of a couple waiting for premarital counseling in my office while I'm out at another meeting filled my mind. I quickly told myself that I checked my calendar that day and there were no other meetings.  I then told myself that I'd listen to the voice mail as soon as we got a break.

Before I could pretend to be listening again at the meeting my phone went off again. This time it was my boss. I had the same thought about checking it at the next break, but then it was followed up with a text that said, "call me asap." I hate that my first thought is that I've done something wrong. I don't get yelled at by the people I work with and I'm decently responsible. I think it has to do with my selfishness and the thought that the world revolves around me.  I politely dismissed myself from the meeting to check the voice mail and then call my boss back.

When he told me who passed away it didn't even register. It felt impossible to hear. As one good friend put it after hearing the news, "this stuff just doesn't happen to us." Later in the day shock settled into tears. I couldn't stop crying for my friend. As the day went on I heard more and more about what happened. He was hit by a car whose driver fell asleep at the wheel.  He was only 55. I hurt for my friend.

Later that night we went by her house to spend some time with her and her family. When something like this happens it can be awkward to know what to do. Do you talk about it? Should I just sit in silence? Is it ok to tell a joke or to laugh at any point in the night? After hugging the family members I tried to let my friend do the talking. If she wanted to talk, I'd listen. If she wanted to cry, I'd cry. If there was anything I could do to help her not hurt, I'd do it.

Today is the funeral. Even though I find joy in knowing that her dad is in heaven I still hurt for her. I hurt for her mom who lost her high school sweet heart. I hurt for her younger brother. I hurt for my friend.