Yesterday was another Dr.'s appointment that had some good news and some scary news. The good news is that we heard both our twins heartbeats. The bad news is the Dr. labeled Monica as a threatened miscarriage. The Dr. said that 95% of the time what Monica has doesn't lead to a miscarriage, but he seemed concerned about her. In fact this was the first time they didn't give us pictures from the ultrasound. We have to go to the Dr. once a week now to check on the babies, and Monica is on bed rest until an undetermined date.
The roller coaster of emotions hasn't been easy to ride. I know that compared to many we have nothing to complain about. We are blessed, but I'm tired. I'm tired of being scared that we might lose our babies. I haven't met them yet, but I feel a love for them that compels me to worry for their safety. I'm tired of feeling helpless. I'm tired of hurting for Monica. I'm tired of all the scares. Scares that have led to tears, prayers, and more scares. I'm tired of fighting the fear that comes with Monica on bed rest. If she can't go back to work we are docked her pay. I'm tired of not having a reason or a cause for Monica's problem. The Dr. said that he's now concerned for Monica's health. I'm tired of worrying about how I can't live without her. I'm tired of not being able to fix this. I'm tired.
I'm tired, but I'm not shaken. I will not waiver in my faith in God. This world can hit me with it's best shot and I will still have lived a blessed life. I am loved by God. I am loved by God. I am loved by an amazing God. A God who led me to the love of my life. A God who has a plan for my life. A God who is the giver of life. A God who has surrounded me with people who show us such love and support that I don't dare question His love. I may worry. I may struggle. I may cry my eyes out, but this world can't shake me. YOU CAN'T SHAKE ME from believing that I am loved by God!
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - The Apostle Paul, Romans 8:38-39.
We love you guys so much, and we are praying for all four of you all of the time.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I love that your blog allowed me to post a comment! Yay for changing the way to enter comments!
ReplyDeleteWow. You guys have been an amazing example to us through all of this! We love you and are praying for all four of you daily!
ReplyDeleteWow! I got goosebumps reading this. I am so sorry that you and Monica are having to go through all this. But your honesty and your strength and amazing. I am praying for all of you!
ReplyDeletepraying praying praying praying (one for each of you!)!!
ReplyDeleteget to that counselor. and then tell the counselor to do a home visit with monica. for real.
Man you have so much on your shoulders. Stay strong and keep talking and praying with and for M. I know that I'm not on your speed dial, but call if you think I can help in any way. I am useful for some things every now and then. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteKeep on living the faith and sharing the journey with others.
ReplyDeleteYou guys exhibit a strength beyond what most can comprehend. I am prayig for you, your wife and your babies. Your faith in God and his ability to guide you is beautiful. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteMany prayers for the four of you. Your strength is amazing.
ReplyDelete"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. "For My yoke is easy, and My load is light." Matthew 11:28-30
I love you.
ReplyDeleteJust told Monica that I am praying Ephesians3:14-21 for you guys today ! I know you are rooted and that God will continue to build you up, but I am focusing on Him filling you (and those little babies amniotic sacs ) to the measure of HIS fullness !
ReplyDeleteStay strong, Rob. Praying for you guys.
ReplyDeleteplease know that if there was anything I can do for either of you, Monica can find me. She was and still is a blessing in my life. I appreciate your being so open.
ReplyDeleteBernadette
Rob..your strength amazes me...i am praying for you and monica and those two precious babies daily...keep your faith strong, it is definately whats keeping you guys going....love to yo both...kim
ReplyDeleteRob, your blogs have never made me cry until TONIGHT. I know that in many ways I relate to you and Monica because we have the same issue. I have no way of knowing if God will bless us again even though we've tried for 8 years to give Anna a brother or sister. And, I ache for you because I know that God has truly blessed me with her and I can't imagine being in your shoes without her. I'm praying for all 4 of you. I know this road is not easy. But, I also know that God will reveal his plan in His time and that no matter what happens, those babies have already made a difference to you, Monica, your friends and church family. And, what an amazing story this will be no matter what happens because you've both allowed God to use this situation! For me, specifically, its reminded me how blessed I am to have been able to get pregnant and be able to keep Anna until it was time for her to come. And, if I only have her, that's OK.
ReplyDeleteI certainly don't have a lot of time on my hands BUT I can provide BOOKS for her and food for you both. Let me know when you need either of those things!
I do understand...The hardest thing is being totally helpless to help the ones that you love. I knew that God loved my child more than I could possibly fathom, and the hardest thing that I had to bear was the helplessness. I had to totally trust God to do what was best and nothing I said or did would change what was happening. Even knowing that, I had never been so scared in my life. One truth I knew - God knows what He is doing. Trust and obey. It is all you can do. I pray for God give you strength. I pray for you and Monica and those precious babies.
ReplyDeleteWe are praying for you and Monica, and those little ones. Also praying that God fills you with His strength and peace.
ReplyDeleteBeen praying for you, Monica and those sweet babies constantly! You and Monica blow me away with your faith and trust in God and do nothing but encourage me to have even a portion of that! Prayers will continue to come y'alls way! Thank you for being so transparent with us and letting us go on "this journey" a bit with you. Love ya'll!
ReplyDeletethank you so much my dear friends for sharing. you inspire me. What amazing parents you are. I love you monica, I love you Rob and I love you bubba 1 and bubba 2...we do live near Poquoson...just sayin! :)
ReplyDeleteI remain in prayer for you both
ReplyDeleteRob, thanks for your honesty, openess, and humility. I ache for you guys and your struggle. Prayers coming to you.
ReplyDeleteIn Him,
Colleen