Monday, October 11, 2010

Sufferin Succotash

I am not a picky eater. I like to think I'm selective. I know what I like and I eat what I like. I will try a bite of just about any food, even if it looks gross. To prove my point I ate a chicken heart in Brazil.  It was gross.

There is one food that I've never tasted, but I know it's gag nasty.  Lima beans are my kryptonite.  Now I've never tasted lima beans because of an incident that happened when I was a little pune. When I was a kid my parents created a "new" rule. I was in third grade and the rule came out of no where. My parents said that if we didn't clean our plate we couldn't eat dessert.  On the first night of this experiment of rules my parents tested us by serving lima beans.  They also had an amazing dessert.  Being the middle child I have the benefit of learning from my older sister's mistakes. She dove in, plugged her nose, and choked down the lima beans.  With a fork in my hand I was about to try my first lima when my sister PUKED a satanic spew of lima nasty beans all over the table. On that day I swore off lima beans forever. 

Last night my wife made succotash.  She loves lima beans but rarely eats them because she knows, like garlic to a vampire, the smell will kill me.  Succotash is lima beans mixed with corn.  She tried hard last night to get me to taste just one lima, but I couldn't do it. I've never thrown up. Never! I've never been sick to my stomach and I've never hugged a toilet. I know that if I eat one of those satanic beans I'll stark puking like a demon possessed girl in the Exorcist.  I think everyone has a vegetable that acts like kryponite.  What's yours?

11 comments:

  1. My kryptonites are tomatoes and cucumbers, although not as deadly to me as lima beans are to you, LOL. There is a children's book out there that encourages kids to eat lima beans, you may want to avoid that one with your babies as they grow old. It's called "A Bad Case Of The Stripes." Apparently you never had it read to you, lol.

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  2. Rob, the picture you paint is indeed graphic, and serves to provide a strong cautionary tale. Lima beans, and nearly all vegetables for that matter, are clearly from the Devil. This includes lima beans, broccoli, cauliflower, eggplant, squash, spinach, beans, asparagus, artichokes, ... (I mean, just pull out your vegetable dictionary and that would provide a more complete list). Now, and I state this as strongly as I can, parents who "force" their children to eat said gag-nasty fare, should be forced to serve time in the gulag.

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  3. I don't like the slimey texture ones. BUT is anyone else not amazed that Rob has never puked!!!! That in itself is amazing. How did you make it this far without hugging the porcelain?

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  4. i will have to make monica this AMAZING succotash that even you would like--it's got bacon and lots of other yumminess involved.

    i, too, hated lima beans and peas with a PASSION growing up. and i will still only eat them cooked a certain way. al dente, if you will. just enough to be cooked but still a bit of a crunch. if they are boiled and icky, NO WAY.

    my boys both LOVE lima beans and peas. their favorite way to eat them? FROZEN!! hahaha--i figure they are still getting the benefits so why not, but it is odd to fill a bowl with frozen vegetables :)

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  5. Just for the record: Rules usually do not come out of nowhere. This one evolved from a pattern of kids eating a few bites of things they love and rejecting anything that might resemble a healthy vegetable. Our rule was never, ever clean your plate, but at least try a taste of what's being served. Two lima beans (that was all that was required) doesn't seem unreasonable, but Sister Sarah did make quite a production of it. It was a grandiose power play. She put the 2 (mind you 2) beans in her mouth and chewed and chewed, and faked a gag. To a kid it may have looked like a plate full of vomit, but it was a lot of drama and gagging over 2 lima beans (mixed with whatever else was in her mouth) and spewed. Lesson learned: kids will survive by selectively eating what is set before them and will make new discoveries in their own time—future grandchildren should never be subjected to such cruel standards.

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  6. Watermelon is my kryptonite! I can't stand that stuff. I don't like watermelon flavored stuff either. Actually, the only melon I enjoy is the cantalope (or big orange if your Brayden). I also don't do snakes...at all. I'm known to shreak and run out of a room. I'm so glad to know that your neighborhood is NOT where we'd want to move in YC if we ever do get to move to the county. It's probably the perfect location for us but with your track record of snakes in the house, near the house, etc, I'll pass. I rather like living and I don't want to risk a heart attack. Also, I feel its best not to trust anything without legs. I'd rather eat 100 watermelon than deal with 1 snake!

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  7. Butter beans are way worse than lima beans--they are lima beans only HUGER. Of the vegetables I've had (and I've had a decent variety) they are the worst. I can handle lima beans if they are small, and mixed with lots of other stuff, and not too many of them. I agree--they are gagnasty alone.

    Not a fan of raw tomatoes unless they are cut in small pieces and flavored (such as in a fresh salsa).

    It's a good thing your mom reads your blog to keep you on the up and up!!

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  8. Faith, yeah it is a good thing except I know for a fact it was more than two lima beans. I'm not sure where she pulled that number from.

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  9. So I'm the opposite of Faith, I LOVE butter beans & succotash made with them but I do not like lima beans..yuck! But I do agree with the tomatoes, I can't stand them unless chopped really small.

    However, I gotta say coconut is the vilest food on the earth! lol

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  10. I will eat, or at least try, pretty much anything, but I HATE lima beans. I HAVE tried them, and trust me, don't do it!!! :) Nasty things.

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  11. Bad Case of the Stripes is one of my FAVORITE kids books ever! I love it! And I don't think I have ever eaten brussel sprouts... but I hate them. Also, I hate cauliflower! Eden wanted to add in that she hates lima beans too and she thinks they shouldn't even be called vegetables! So there!

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