For the last four weeks I've been struggling with depression. I'm not sure what triggered it. If you read robshep.com regularly you'll remember that it was about four weeks ago that I started jogging outside. Coincidence? I don't think so, but I do hate jogging.
The strange thing about it is that nothing has triggered it. No one has hurt me. No thoughts are keeping me up at night. Nothing has changed with my schedule. I'm still eating Chipotle once a week.
I first noticed it when I had lost my passion and motivation to blog. Normally ideas come somewhat quickly to me but I went a whole week wrestling to get blog posts up. I think that depression can manifest itself in various ways and one sign can be a loss of passion or motivation.
Since then it has randomly hit while I was at work, at Community Group, or even just at home by myself. It doesn't seem to last for long periods of time, but it has been consistent enough that I know I want some help. I want the old Rob back.
I scheduled an appointment with a Christian counselor. Our first appointment is next week. I think talking about it will help. I talked with my pastor about it on Monday and since then it has been a lot better. I don't know if it has been triggered by the emotional roller coaster that I've been on with Monica's pregnancy. It's been filled with intense excitement and multiple scares. I don't know if it has been caused by stress of my job. I don't know if it's from carrying the burden of the multiple people that I have counseled. I don't even know if I'll get any answers, but I'm excited to meet with a Christian counsel to see what they say.
good for you, rob, for admitting it and DOING something about it. that takes a lot of strength and confidence.
ReplyDeletedon't you think that the fact that you are always supposed to be "up" can be very draining emotionally? it's ironic, but i definitely think it's true.
one piece of advice, let people who love you take care of you and monica right now! i'm sure you have people who have offered to make dinner, run errands, etc. take them up on it! (and if they haven't yet, I AM right now!).
and for goodness sake, go back to the y. running outside is just for races. :)
oh, and next week, get guest bloggers. give yourself a break. here's my list of suggestions: a kid (elementary school), a tween, a teen, a college kid, a grandparent, and a great-grandparent all blog about the same thing. then, copy and paste one of your favorite bloggers opinion on the same thing.
you got this, rob.
Your honesty draws me back to your blog again and again. I think our culture is so hungry for honest conversations... praying for you and Monica this morning...
ReplyDeleteGo Lindsey! Great Counsel.
ReplyDeletePosts like this are one of the reasons why it has been a pleasure to get to know you over the past few years. You are honest, you are direct, and you show me how to be a consistent and Godly example. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Julie. I love your honesty. I can't imagine all the emotions both you and Monica have been going through but I know it has to be hard on you. Recognizing the fact that you are not yourself is HUGE and doing something about it is even greater. Praying for you and Monica.
ReplyDeleteI must say that like Lindsey, Julie and Daniel, I to love your honesty. A huge battle in dealing with depression is admitting you are not yourself. I'm sure you know that there are a lot of us who care about you guys and would love to help out. I'll bring dinner after Lindsey :) Chipolte's isnt far from where I work. Many prayers being said for you, Monica and the Shepherd babies.
ReplyDeleteBernadette
I appreciate and admire your honesty. I've struggled with mild depression for a few years now and the best thing I ever did was admit it and get help. Sometimes there is no reason for it or it's just a million little reasons that make you feel not yourself. I will pray for you and I know that God (and all of your wonderful friends who I see comment on here) will help you through this!
ReplyDeleteI've dealt with depression before, several times. It's no fun, and you really can't understand it until you've dealt with it. The worst is when you hear people tell you to "snap out of it and perk up". It's not really something you can just snap out of...going to talk to someone is one of the best things you can do I think. I also think, like you said, it could have something to do with Monica's pregnancy...there is a lot going on there, and I'm sure you are trying to be the husband she needs through this time. praying for you, and that God helps you fight this depression and restores your joy in Him.
ReplyDeleteRob,
ReplyDeleteI admire and respect your open and honest blogging here..... Lots of people have depression... I know I have had "periods" of it myself....Mine has usually stemmed from health issues, relationships and just plain LIFE at times.... haha... You do have alot going on ( work, pregnancy, etc. ) Thanks for sharing!... My "CG" and I pray for you, Monica ( and Staff) weekly... God Bless.. We love ya !
Lindsey, great suggestions. I was joking about the jogging. It's not that bad. In fact I'm going to sign up for a 5K soon.
ReplyDeleteAubrina, thank you so much. The prayers of your group mean the world to us!
Thanks everyone for the comments. Comments are my love language and really do mean a lot to me.
ReplyDeleteMate you are being seriously vulnerable here - love it!
ReplyDeleteI suffered a major bout of depression about 13 yrs ago & look back on it as a dark, messy time. Christ was faithful & got me thru with the help of my family & friends
One word of advice - just focus on the next thing you have to do - thinking ahead can be overwhelming
Be praying for you Rob
Rob, I just want to encourage you and Monica. I am literally having the same fight with the blah, depressive feelings the last few weeks and I have learned hard into God and to those around me that love me. I too have been through the 'process' of IVF (several times) and understand the stess, anxiety, highs and lows that come with the journey. The great news is The Jones Institute was founded by Christians and continue to carry on their traditions of love and caring. May God continue to bless you and your wife in this time. Many of us have leaned on you, its okay for you lean back on us. We love you!
ReplyDeletePraying for you!
ReplyDelete