I hate doing laundry. Now let me clarify. I hate doing laundry since I got married. Okay, now I really need to clarify. I hate doing laundry since I got married because I jack it up. When I did laundry as a single guy I never messed with any of the dials on the washer or dryer. I knew to separate colors but I just threw them in to whatever setting they were on. My wife on the other hand changes the dials based on the type of clothes that are being washed. I try to remember everything but I never do it right. I forget to turn the dial to hot/cold. Or I forget to turn the dryer to permanent press. It's frustrating to me. It's frustrating to my wife as well.
Now we could have fought about it. The conversation could have gone like this...
Monica: It's not that hard to remember a few dial settings!"
Rob: You are right, but I don't do the laundry as often as you. Because of that I forget. I'm trying to help you!
Monica: Your help is no help at all. You jack up all the clothes. What are you stupid?!
Rob: Well that comment jacked up my anger. Now I'm going to show you what stupid is!
(Rob takes dirty laundry and throws it all over the front lawn.)
Monica: Well that was dumb. Now you have to clean it up.
Rob: That's what you think!
(Rob pulls out the lawn mower)
Rob: YOU SEE I'M THE MAN! I TAKE CARE OF THE STUPID LAWN! I DON'T SEE YOU HELPING ME WITH THE STUPID LAWN! I KNOW THE DIALS ON MY STUPID MOWER!
Monica: YOU ARE SO CHILDISH!
Rob: I'LL SHOW YOU CHILDISH!
(Rob mows the lawn and destroys their clothes).
Rob: TAKE THAT MOTHER!
Thankfully we didn't have that conversation. Thankfully our conversation went like this...
Rob: I'm sorry I mess up every time I do the laundry. You know what would help me? If you could print out a list of all the settings and put it in the laundry room.
Monica: I'll see what I can do.
The next time I did the laundry this list was laminated and in a place where I could see it...
Laundry
Darks:
1. Choose water level.
2. Water temperature- Cold/Cold
3. Speeds- Normal
4. Ultra Clean Notch 8
Whites:
1. Choose water level.
2. Water temperature- Hot/Cold
3. Speeds- Normal
4. Ultra Clean Notch 8
For the babies whites, use bleach. Fill corner notch 2 times with bleach. Be very careful for your clothes you are wearing. I wipe it dry with one of their burp cloths after I’ve poured it.
Towels:
1. Choose water level.
2. Water temperature- Warm/Cold
3. Speeds- Normal
4. Ultra Clean Notch 8
Dryer:
Timed Dry- 45 minutes
Fabric Temperature- Normal/Permanent Press (Medium High)
One thing that I've learned in marriage is that if you win a fight you've really lost. You've lost because you've hurt your spouse. Many couples treat marriage like it's a boxing match. They spar it out. They throw punches until they knock out their opponent. The problem is that when you've won the fight the love of your life is laying on the floor, and destroyed by your vicious attack. Because it's boxing you've been hit pretty hard too. I want my marriage to be more like a team sport. We may argue with each other but our end result is finding a solution that we can agree on. We win when we solve the issue together.
I forget how to do the laundry the way my wife likes it. What is one thing that you constantly forget how to do?
Beautiful post my friend. As for me, I always forget, when I am starting the nuclear fission reaction, do I put the control rods halfway in or all the way in. Oh, well, I just try halfway and see what happ
ReplyDeleteDownloading pictures onto the computer...thank goodness I have a very patient son to walk me through it over and over again...maybe he needs to laminate a list for me :) Rob, as usual, you nailed it...many do treat marriage like a boxing match. I love the way you and Monica work together at life together...it's inspiring and not that common to see in a young couple. It makes it fun to be around you two!
ReplyDeleteChecking messages on the home phone is something I rarely do because my hubby checks frequently. Therefore, when I need to check, I remember the password but forget how to access messages when away from home. Writing out the directions is such a sensible solution.
ReplyDeleteLove the directions! Josh had to teach my how to do laundry when we got married!
ReplyDeleteIt's not that I forget to do it, but I hate cleaning house. I hate it with a passion. I guess I do forget how to cook things. I try to follow the directions on the box or the recipe, but I usually miss something important.
GREAT stuff. I think Rich and I had the same fight last week... LOL
ReplyDeleteChecking oil in mechanical things.
ReplyDeleteOr putting oil in mechanical things.. first too little.. then too MUCH!!
( who knew THAT would be a problem!?!)
Or Checking things like ... radiator coolant, tire pressures, ( they vary?)
I'm pretty much a disaster to anything mechanical...
Or repairing stuff!!
That's some of my "Laundry..." so I'm VERY thankful when God sends wonderful gentlemen in the right places, at the right time ~ who are willing to help out..
Yeah I'm the same way - I'm always asking my wife, "How do I wash this?"
ReplyDeleteI've learned to check the tags, but at least 1x every 3 months I shrink one of her shirts. She's gracious.... and then is gracious enough to show me how to re-do the laundry.... again :)
This is great. I don't like making coffee or loading the dishwasher. Greg is the only one who can do it right and actually likes to do it - why mess with a good thing, right? I may be dumb - but I'm not so dumb ;)
ReplyDeleteThis post is a great point about the result of following emotions in the heat of the moment as opposed to taking a step back...Good post!
ReplyDeleteRob, you are just awesome is all I can say. Monica too. The way you handled it took a lost less energy and time than the big fight.
ReplyDeleteKris, thanks! We aren't perfect but I feel like we handled this situation pretty well.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sean!
ReplyDeleteI'd say not so dumb at all. Thanks for the comment.
ReplyDeleteThank God for great wives. I'd be lost without mine.
ReplyDeleteI thank God for wonderful gentlemen who are willing to help me out with the car. I also stink at it. There are some great guys at Waters Edge that take care of my car. So thankful for them.
ReplyDeleteLaurel, hopefully your fight didn't involve him mowing the clothes on the front lawn.
ReplyDeleteSusan, thank God for directions. I couldn't make Kool Aid without em.
ReplyDeleteMim, you should have it done. It's helped me a lot.
ReplyDeleteRuth, Dan is great about that type of thing. Love that guy. We enjoyed seeing you over the weekend. Come back to VA soon.
ReplyDeleteDaniel, I don't know how you do it, but you find a way to trump my post with an amazing comment. Very funny my friend.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, that explains the tingling earlier today, thought it was my spidey sense kicking in, ah well guess I'll have to wait for a different mutant power to manifest
ReplyDeleteOnce, early in our marriage, my wife said or did something that I felt needed a response and should not just be brushed off or ignored.
ReplyDeleteI spent a couple hours re-reading our pre-marital counseling workbook. I read some scripture. I planned my calm response.
Then I went and responded to my wife.
She apologized 200 times and bawled for 45 minutes.
That was the first, and assuredly the last, time I've won an argument. I never want to do that to her again.
Thanks for saying I'm great about it, but she probably sees me at my worst more often and knows the truth. I generally try, but sometimes.... I guess we all fail sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI was going to post post this later, but since I'm responding to your response to my mother anyway... love this post. Really great.