Conflict Part 3

Conflict happens for two reasons.

1. Unmet expectations
2. Unrealistic expectations

Conflict arises when someone doesn't meet or exceed your expectations.
Think about something you think is rude...someone texting during a meeting, a girl farting on a first date, someone constantly interrupting you when you speak.

Now the question you need to ask is have I communicated this expectation? If you haven't then your first step is to communicate it. Not when you are upset or mad, but when you can communicate it clearly.

Ex: The guys in my Student Community Group often text during the lesson. I felt like that was a distraction but I never communicated that with them. I can't get mad if they text if I never set up a ground rule. So the new rule we have in group is everyone shuts off their cell phone before the discussion.

Now if you have communicated that expectation then you need to answer a second question...is it unrealistic? In premarital counseling the example we always give to guys is that it's an unrealistic expectation to have sex every day with your wife. That's unrealistic! Understanding if it's realistic or not can help you decide if you should address the conflict.

If you have communicated the expectation and it is realistic then it's healthy to confront. In fact it's the only way to grow and move past this...for you and for the person you are in conflict with.

To be continued...