I Scared the Poo Out of a Snake

So a black snake is living near the front door of my house. I know black snakes are not poisonous, but what you have to understand is my wife, Monica, is deathly afraid of all snakes. Two times in the past week we have walked out of our house to find the snake. On Saturday we walked out and my wife started squealing while running for her life. I froze. I didn't know what to do so I just stopped moving. My wife finally gets out that there is a snake and when I turn to my right I see a black snake about 2 feet away. I go into the house to find a weapon of mass destruction. I come out with a shovel to protect my wife and kill the snake.

In the safety of our car my wife calls animal control. As soon as I turn the corner the snake slithers into a bush. All of the sudden I see a gooey substance dropping from the bush. I couldn't figure out what it was so I took a few steps to get a better view. When I did the snake practically leaps out of the bush onto our window seal. Monica yelled from the car "I think you made the snake poo himself." Sure enough the substance came from the snake and I think it was poo.

The snake and I were having a staring contest. It was like a wild west showdown. My wife said I should go get some help from our neighbor since I don't have a lot of experience killing snakes. As soon as I walked away he slithered quickly into the woods. The snake got away but not before I scared the poo out of him.