Why I Hate Jon Acuff

Everything in me wants to hate the man that is known as Jon Acuff. Who is Jon Acuff? Well, if you don't know then you are one of the few who haven't been dominated by his addictive blog. If you haven't heard of him then you my friend are about to learn about him. If you do know of him then you probably share my desire to hate Jon William Acuff. Okay, I don't know if his middle name is William but I do know that I want to hate him because...

• He started a blog on March 21, 2008. I started my blog in April of 2008 but I'm too lazy to keep track of the exact day that it went public.
• On the first day of his blog he had exactly 3.5 gazillion readers. On my first day of blogging I had 3.5 readers and in order to get that many I had to read my blog on 3 different computers and an iPod. Thus the half stat. Is it wrong to count your stats when you know that the 3.5 people is just you? No says I. I couldn't get my friends and family to read and I had stats to track.
• He has a good head of hair. I'm going bald quicker than Nair on a hairy back.
• He receives 142 thousand comments no matter what his post is about. I have to beg my friends to leave a comment.
• He has written three books. I have a book idea that just sits on the shelf of my mind.
• His blog has a theme. It's called "Stuff Christians Like." My blog lacks a theme.
• Not only does he have a blog that is taking over the Internet, but he also makes time to have a second blog. Come on man...seriously?! Two blogs. The world wide web is already crowded enough. Now instead of dealing with the competition of one Jon Acuff site I have to battle two.
• He responds to a lot of comments on his blogs. I struggle to respond to the handful of comments that I get.
• He's a nice guy. I'm a nice guy too but compared to side hugging Jon Acuff I'm a real baddie.
• He works for Dave Ramsey. I can't hate on him for this. Dave Ramsey is the man!
• His creates catch phrases like Jesus Juke. I create catch phrases like Jack Hole and I'm embarrassed by it.  
• His posts are long. I like long posts but my readers don't. People tell me to my face that I need to write shorter posts.
• I friended him on Twitter. Some people think he's really ha-larious on Twitter. I did it just because all the cool kids were doing it. You know what that punk did? He started following me on Twitter. The nerve.
• People tell me often that I would love his blog. Nobody ever tells him that he would even remotely be interested in skimming my blog.
• He writes things that convict me.

The truth is that I don't hate Jon Acuff. The truth is that even if I did want to hate Jon Acuff he would win me over with his super blogging powers. The truth is I love Jon Acuff as much as I could love any person that I've never met, but I've stalked on a blog, Twitter, or at a conference. I once stood next to Jon at a conference but I didn't want to bother him. He probably would have said something funny and made me laugh. Jerk.

So do you read Jon's blog or blogs? If so what is your favorite post of his?